The End

“Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.”  Isaiah 49:15

Mothers. We all know the good characteristics and qualities of a good mom. They nurture, protect and cheer you on. 

Then, there comes the time when a mother’s time on earth is up. 

I must admit that I didn’t realize the passing of my mother would happen like it did. So suddenly. Without warning. One morning the call came and just like that, she was just gone. No chance to prepare, to say goodbye, give one last hug, or smile. THE END came without warning. 

I think the shock lasted a little over a month and a half for me. Once I was back home for a bit, I went to FaceTime her one day and...hot tears suddenly flooded my eyes and my heart felt like a vice gripped it tightly. She wasn’t there to take my call. I remember thinking, “How can this be happening?” 

In the beginning, all I could focus on was relief that she no longer had to suffer with pain in her body. I was happy for her. I cried at her funeral, of course, but there seemed to be so much ado afterward that it was like a big ball of commotion which kept me kind of distracted. It just didn’t seem real at all! 

That day became the beginning of the “firsts” for me. 

Firsts feel kind of like a jolt of shooting pain deep within the heart. Sometimes they’re anticipated, other times they catch us by surprise. 

There was the first time I picked up the phone to tell her something funny. The day I realized I couldn’t bring myself to use a certain soap which reminded me of her. Then, there was the awkward moment of preparing potato salad for company, when I suddenly slid into a puddle of tears. I always loved Mom’s potato salad as a child. 

There are other firsts which are quickly coming too. The ones I’m aware of and watching out for. It’s been difficult trying to figure out how to adjust to my mom not being here for my birthday. Then, it will be her birthday. Then Mother’s Day. And...Dad will be coming to town without her soon.

The death of a loved one is always kind of like throwing a stone into a pond. The initial plop (death) of the stone into water is absolutely understandable; but then multiple rings begin to come to the surface afterward. We learn to look for them but never know how many there will be, and they can catch us off guard. The stuff you don’t see coming.  

So, you see, to say THE END isn’t actually the correct wording at all when a person dies. In all honesty, the grief never ends. It’s only the end for the one who is no longer with us. We who remain still have to learn to navigate and adjust to the newly, altered life we’re left with.  That doesn’t happen overnight either, and not without a lot of hard, intentional work. 

If you’ve visited my blog lately, you know I’ve been dealing with grief. I told a friend just the other day, “It’s an odd feeling to not have a mother here anymore.” There are all kinds of emotions left to wade through, some of them have been most unexpected for me too. 

At the same time, I also told my friend that I couldn’t imagine not having God’s presence in my life anymore. Can you imagine doing life without Him? I can’t. 

Simply because, no matter how broken our hearts become, I know He is near. I know He holds us together when life grips us a little tighter and we feel we’re falling apart at the seams. I know He sees each tear in every season, even the ones we try to hide. Finally, no matter how it feels, I know we can have hope, joy and peace right in the middle of anything...because we have Him. Just like a good mother, we can depend upon His goodness and character. Just like a good mom, He nurtures, protects and cheers us onward.  

So, although I find myself walking this road without my mother now; I’m NOT walking without the presence of God. Hallelujah!

I don’t know what you’re going through right now; but I know if we have God, we have more than enough to get us through. Tis so sweet to trust in Him! 

He loves us more than anyone else possibly can, even a mother. Life may still be happening to us, but I’ve been through enough to know, He is faithful and is always there - no matter what; and I know I never have to get used to living without Him. 

I can accurately, and with much confidence, say all this. Then, with tear stains still fresh upon my face, I can say without reservation, “THE END.”