Wait, I Can’t

 

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”  Joshua 1:9

I have been keeping my grand girl lately and she’s a newly turned one-year-old who is daily trying to push the limits toward her independence. 

She’s been taking a step of two for several weeks, then she’ll just plop down and take to crawling. It’s easier that way, right?!

Monday, I noticed she was taking consecutive series of mini-steps...up to ten or twelve of them at a time. Wow! I also noticed she was “into” more stuff she wasn’t supposed to be. Yay me! Truly, independence brings with it its own set of woes. 

As the day continued on and she began to tire, she began to stumble more often, and I began hearing more crying out...until she suddenly let out a desperate cry for help. She just couldn’t any more. She was spent! Finished. Done. 

She laid in the floor and made sure to get this Noni’s attention. I felt like she was screaming out, “Hello, I’m sick of this. Do you see me down here? Do something about it!!! Help!”

She laid in the floor crying crocodile tears until I went to her, picked her up, and began to console her. 

Later, after laying her down for a nap, my thoughts turned to what had just happened and I thought about the year we’ve had thus far - the infamous 2020. 

If I’m honest, I’m done. Finished. Spent, laying in the floor desperately calling on God to make it all go away already. Anyone with me?

I’m tired of social distancing. I’m done with masks which make everyone look as if they’re uncaring and untouchable. I’m finished with not touching people, staying six feet away, with not being able to do lunch or go shopping, and staying at home as much as possible. I’m tired of the fear that I might be a “carrier”  or being looked at as if I might have the plague. Yeah, I’m finding myself laying in the floor in a complete adult-sized tantrum. I’m so over this! God, do you see me down here?!

I thought I’d be fine in the beginning. After all, I’m a lot introverted and so I figured the alone and down time would be welcoming; and it was for a while. 

I quickly found out during September that I longed for porch time or a lunch date with a friend. I longed for a big squeezy hug occasionally. I wanted to be able to cry without worrying about my snotty Kleenex’s making others shrink back. Then, it became super-clear during the days my husband and I had to quarantine. No, I didn’t want to be in a crowd of people, especially for any extended period of time; that wears me down and depletes me; but I wanted my people nearby — to have and to hold. 

Yeah, I’m over it. What’s a girl to do when she just wants some normalcy in life? What’s a girl to do when she already isn’t that great with change? How’s a girl supposed to carry on and act like all is well when she feels empty inside? Ugh! I just can’t anymore. 

The idea of quitting seems all too convincing sometimes...but I’ve been through enough to know that’s not the right answer. 

If only I didn’t know better! Right?! 

I’ve come through enough rough patches on the road of life to know this: the bumps aren’t going anywhere!

I’ve just got to dodge them and keep traveling on. Because...  

just as sure as I know the bumps, which sometime trip me up, are always present, I also have someone watching over me Who is just as present. 

God has been too good, too present, too diligent in His care and supplying my needs, and too faithful to hear my cries for help for me to even think about quitting. No, I’m not happy with the where we’re at and all the rules we are being subjected to, but there’s only one thing logical to do right now. Keep on keeping on! He’s not brought us this far to leave us. 

The answer is to pray, to give it all up to God - every care and concern. Then, maybe I can find someone else who might be discouraged today, and remind them too of this truth...Don’t be afraid, God is with us. 

I can’t stop, quit, or allow you to think too long about doing so either. That’s an “I can’t” we can definitely benefit from every day. Be encouraged! You might not be struggling with the same things I am, but we all struggle with something. 

Here’s a secret: It’s alright for us adults to find a place in the corner and pitch a tantrum aimed Heavenward. God can handle it! He’s got even the issues you’re dealing with in His scope. Don’t be afraid...He is with us withersoever we go. He’s there even when we catch a case of the the “I can’t’s”, because He always can.