My Story, My Walk...Growing Daily

This is my story. Unfolding daily. 

This week, it’s been kind of an emotional one. Grief waves crashing in on me a bit. It’s been two years since we lost our Mamaw. It was a unexpected blow which I wasn’t prepared for. The day came exactly one year and one month to the day we lost Steffan which compounded the blow many times over. Anyhow, I’ve longed to pick up the phone and call her all week. (tears!)

Anyhow, I wrote this back in September, but decided to share it today. It’s nice to look back occasionally and see how far you’ve come along. I was reminded of the old cigarette ad recently: “You’ve come a long way, baby!” When I’m able to go back and read, to see that I’m not still stuck in that particular bend of the road, it is encouraging. Although there is still, and probably always will be pain, I’m making progress on this journey. Thanks to the good Lord above!

So here it is:

The further I walk along this grief journey, the more I learn. And, the more I learn, the more I’m grateful for a faithful, merciful, loving God and my relationship with Him. 

I’m learning that this time (nearing the third year mark of our son gaining his wings) of the year requires extra. Grief touches every arena of a person’s life.  I need to take extra care of myself, be kind and love myself. I do this in terms of resting more, being still, enjoying quietness, listening to soft music, writing when I feel the urge (which I sometimes do here), crying when I need to, sharing my heart when I’m able and it’s safe, and over all just being extra aware of where I am mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

That’s growth. 

I’m learning the pain will always be there. I’m learning that grief never gets better, just different at times.  I’m also learning, actually just this weekend, that what I think might make me feel better and ease the pain of loss, may bring temporary comfort but will never take the pain away. 

That’s growth. 

Funny how growth sometimes doesn’t look like what I thought it would. 

I’m learning  I need people in my life who can listen, those who can encourage, those who can relate and those who can support a broken, healing heart. While God brings people into my life to do so, not everyone will be able to withstand the awkwardness. No matter what, God is the only One who can truly comfort me in the ways I need most. He knows best. 

That’s growth. 

I’m learning that there are sometimes triggers which upset me. Something said yesterday might not have done so, but today might be another story. Grieving is very unsteady, but I’m learning if I lose my balance, as long as I recognize it and regroup...that’s growth. 

I’m learning that my story is being written daily; and it’s hardly over. There’s plenty of life left. I’m reminded that God never wastes a hurt and He won’t start doing so now. There’s still purpose for me to fulfill, space to be effective and a work for me to do. 

That’s growth. 

It’s not an easy walk nor one I would’ve chosen for myself, but definitely the one God has chosen for me. How do I know this? Because my heart and my life are safely in His hands. 

This is a recent picture of my grand boy, loving on his Daddy at his memorial spot. I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it initially. It pained my heart on one hand, while on the other, it brought a strange sense of peace. This is just one example of the proof of growth in my story. This means more to me today than just grabbing a box of tissues; it silently speaks volumes to my heart. Some of it I’m not quite ready to share, but I know that’s alright. There is more road to be traveled, but I’m still here and willing. 

This is my story. What’s yours? 

Your story matters. Your journey is important. Celebrate the small steps of growth as victories. 

Thanks for stopping by today. Be encouraged and blessed.