There are those mothers who have lost adult children, those who have lost younger children, babies and even those who suffered loss through miscarriage. There are those who suffer loss due to infertility. There are also those who have lost children due to distant relocation or estrangement.
Today, I thought about it in all the ways and angles that I could process. I honestly can’t say there is one which is worse than the other. It’s all loss. I get that, I really do. Whatever you’ve gone through will be the worst in your opinion, I’m sure, and I validate your experience and the emotions you feel.
Think about this:
Perspective 1
Your special day is coming up, and you’re promised a lovely gift. You are told well in advance, with plenty of time left to dream about and ponder opening your gift.
Yet, that day never arrives. You never even see the gift. You’re left with the remains of what becomes just a bad dream. Infertility.
Perspective 2
Your special day is coming up, and you’re promised a lovely gift. You are told well in advance, with plenty of time left to dream about and ponder opening your gift. Oh, the excitement that grows within your being. It’s so hard to wait for such a wonderful thing. You see the gift, and can hardly wait to open it.
Then....something happened and the gift was never given to you to open.
You were so excited about the new life within and what would come about in the days ahead, but then the opportunity to open the gift vanished. Miscarriage.
Perspective 3
Your special day is coming up, and you’re promised a lovely gift. You are told well in advance, with plenty of time left to dream about and ponder opening your gift. The day comes and you finally get to hold it in your hands and open the promised gift. You “oo and ah” over it then all the sudden, it’s gone.
Loss of newborn.
Perspective 4
Your special day is coming up, and you’re promised a lovely gift. You are told well in advance, with plenty of time left to dream about and ponder opening your gift. The day comes and you finally get to open the promised gift. You “oo and ah” over it and take extremely good care of it. You be sure to keep it clean and you stay with it as much as possible. You become attached and can’t imagine life without it. Then, in an instant, it is ripped from your grasp. Loss of a young child.
Perspective 5
Your special day is coming up, and you’re promised a lovely gift. You are told well in advance, with plenty of time left to dream about and ponder opening your gift. The day comes and you finally get to open the promised gift. You “oo and ah” over it and take extremely good care of it. You be sure to keep it clean and you stay with it as much as possible. You become attached and can’t imagine life without it. You enjoy years and years with this gift giving you pleasure and making life more complete. Then it’s taken from your world. You’re left with memories, maybe the added gifts of the people produced along the way, and an emptiness at what else should have been. Loss of an adult child.
Perspective 6
Your special day is coming up, and you’re promised a lovely gift. You are told well in advance, with plenty of time left to dream about and ponder opening your gift. The day comes and you finally get to open the promised gift. You “oo and ah” over it and take extremely good care of it. You be sure to keep it clean and you stay with it as much as possible. You become attached and can’t imagine life without it. You enjoy years and years with this gift giving you pleasure and making life more complete. Then one day, it decides to walk away and you’re not sure if you’ll ever get to enjoy the gift in the same way again. All you feel is the growing distance gap of the relationship. Estrangement or distant location change.
You see, in all six perspectives special gifts were promised; however, in each case, touching, receiving or enjoying the gift might just leave us sad or feeling a little less than satisfied. Gifts are given to be enjoyed and treasured, for our good pleasure.
The Bible says in Psalm 127:3-5, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.”
Children are a divine blessing. Most women dream of becoming pregnant, giving birth, nurturing and celebrating birthdays, bringing them up to puberty and then watching them blossom into productive adults where the cycle begins once more with their children. Yes, that would be Perspective 7 - perfection. However, there are many mothers out there who don’t experience the perfect 7.
I personally know mothers in every designated perspective. Think about the mothers in your sphere of life. We all want to open the gift and when we do, we want to enjoy it forever. Is there one perspective any of us would prefer more than number 7?
Life doesn’t always give us that option though.
I just wanted to leave you with this today. Sometimes we forget what blessings we have been given along the way. Sometimes we discount someone else’s pain. Sometimes we’re just a little too much human.
If we’re willing to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, with the gift perspective they’ve been given, just imagine what you’d feel in that moment. Loss is real. It happens every day. The probability of someone in your sphere being effected is extremely high!
Again, imagine being promised a gift and never catching a glimpse of it.
Imagine seeing it, then losing it.
Imagine having it in your life long enough to become accustomed and attached to it, only to have it break or be taken away.
Imagine having a gift but not being able to reach or touch it.
Imagine. Think about all the perspectives. Is there one you’d prefer over another - besides the obvious number seven?
Loss is ugly in every situation. It will hurt, it will make us cry, it will change us; but it will help us grow in ways we never imagined if we allow it. That in itself is a gift we must choose to open.
Think about these perspectives the next time you look into another mom’s tearing eyes or bleeding heart. They’re probably not going to say it in the same language you do, or show it in the same manner you might, but there may be more there than meets the eye. Be kind. Be safe. Be present. Be gentle. Be understanding.
Just a little food for thought...
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