Front Porches In Heaven

In five days, August 27th, we'll put a big number "11" on the calendar of our lives. Not literally, but in our minds, it's there. If you haven't read my previous posts, I'll tell you, it will mark eleven months since we lost our son, Steffan, in a tragic motorcycle accident. The day our lives began to take on a very different perspective. 

As I reflect today, I can hardly believe it's been almost a year. I'd be fibbing if I said I never longed to hear his deep voice, happy laughter or to see that crooked grin that melted my heart over and over again. Some days I still find the absence of those simple things almost unbearable. My heart aches and I have to remind myself to breathe. 

Yes, I know he is in a better place, that he probably wouldn't come back even if he had a choice. Could I dare blame him? Not hardly! His race is over. In that aspect, I am so happy for him. I wouldn't be selfish enough to bring him back. I'm thankful for God's grace and mercy, even when it doesn't make a lick of sense to me. Yet, the pain is real for this momma's heart. I suppose that's understandable. 

These days, when I look at a family - parents with little ones - my broken heart longs to go back to those "good 'ole days" when everything seemed perfect, although I know it was far from that. I think back to the days when Daddy and me had our little tribe of three, when life seemed innocent and free from heartache. In those reminiscent moments, I find my heart melting down my face before I know it. There's so many things in life we take for granted. I know this all too well now!

Last year, autumn was so hard for me (my babies were born in September, October and November) and pumpkins and even the falling of the leaves bothered me. This year, I decided I'd embrace it instead of fighting against those emotions...I'd find some way to celebrate. I thought to myself, "That's growth. Progress." Only to turn my cart onto the Christmas ornament aisle, in the At Home store this past Saturday, and have my heart smashed with the reminder that there will still be an empty spot at Christmas again this year. I blindly walked down the aisle, trying to swallow the lump in my throat as I continued to swipe at the tears. Emotions can be quite confusing and catch you off guard, can't they? Oh, how I'm learning that!

I look at the sky more often now than ever before. I daydream about what it will be like in Heaven. In that place where there will be no more death, pain, sickness, hurting, etc. Like the popular song says, I can only imagine. Today, I was thinking about front porches, rocking chairs and lemonade, simpler times, and being together with those we love. You know, those ideals which speak loudly to us in this busy, full-throttle world in which we live. I even found myself wondering if there would be front porches in Heaven. 

Yeah, I know, maybe it's a silly thought. That probably won't even matter! One thing I do know, one day all the trials and hard stuff we've endured in this lifetime will no longer matter. There will be no more pain in my heart, or yours. There will be no more unfulfilled longings and yearnings. All will be perfect, we will be whole. No more heartaches. We will be forever with the Lord! Can we even wrap our heads around that concept? I'd dare say we haven't a clue. Yet, that is my hope! It's what keeps me going.

I know I have a race to finish running. Whether I'm sprinting or barely getting one foot in front of the other, I've made up my mind to finish well. I hope that whatever situation(s) you find yourself facing in this season of your life, that you'll somehow be encouraged and join together with me, making up your mind to finish well too. 

Maybe it won't matter whether there are porches in Heaven or not, all that will matter is that we'll be there. Period. God will wipe every tear from our eyes and nothing we've endured in this lifetime will matter anymore. Until then...let's continue on, one step at a time...wiping away sorrowful tears as they come, stumbling along when it's hard, and daydreaming if necessary about the possibility of front porches in Heaven. 

Yes, rocking safe and secure in the arms of God~