Grief & Love

Day 12.

Home-going services have concluded. Condolences have been received. A million-and-one tears have been shed.  And life moves on...that's a hard thing for my broken heart to do right now. I know, I'm being very transparent here. If you're not OK with that, maybe you should close this blog post now. My mommy heart hurts!

Our son, Steffan, and his sweet family

I'm thankful that "the Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart" for I know He is definitely with me and I am not alone. How do I know this? Simply because when I close my eyes I can see my heart there, all of it, safely resting in His hands. Although shattered into thousands of jagged, broken pieces, I have this hope...that He is there. I think of the shortest verse in the Bible, "Jesus wept." Didn't He do so at the tomb of someone He loved? He's no respecter of persons, so I think He weeps with me today also.

Grief...it's an ugly word, isn't it? A response to the loss of someone. In this case, our perfectly healthy, delightfully funny, stubborn, twenty-four year old son who was suddenly and all too quickly taken from this life in a motorcycle accident. No, he wasn't a perfect child, but he was my child. 

Grief...it's kind of an paradox (not sure if that's the correct word, but it will work for now) when I think about it:

One will only grieve if they've truly loved. 

So, maybe the word isn't so ugly after all. I grieve because I have truly loved; and to love is a beautiful thing and worth any risk. 

It's because of love that I can find the shattered pieces of my own hurting heart tucked safely in the hands of my caring Savior. It's because of love that I know my son is in a better place today. 

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

I'm certain God's ways are best. His will is the best place to be - in spite of the pain we may feel along the way. He is faithful and will walk us through the darkest valleys. 

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me..." Psalms 23:4

Grief...yes, it hurts. No, I don't like it one bit. I wouldn't wish this season or these feelings I'm dealing with upon anyone. Friend, enemy or stranger. Yet through it all...through the tears, the pain, the sweet memories which can never be taken away - there is love. Not the gushy, cute kind of love. No, I'm referring to the kind of love that is so strong, so deep and sweet that it blossoms even more so during times of pain and brokenness. 

"He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." Psalms 147:3 

One can only heal when he is present. One can only bind up wounds when he is on the scene. And One only mends what is dear to him...what He loves. What blessed assurance that He is near during this time of grief. As my precious daughter-in-love so perfectly put it: "He's as close as the mention of His name." 

Please continue to keep our 

family in your prayers.

Thank you for all your thoughtfulness

and support during our time of loss. 

Blessings~