God Is Not Surprised By This

Live. Laugh. Love.

Today, I pause, take a deep breath and then quietly sigh as I realize it's been two weeks today since my firstborn passed from this life. That's so NOT what I had on the To-Do list that day. No, I was planning to celebrate my daughter's twenty-first birthday that day. I planned to celebrate life! Needless to say, dealing with a sudden, unexpected death was the furthest thing from my mind. Life changing. Shocking. A nightmare that I couldn't wake up from, to say the least.

What an emotional two weeks it has been. I've cried a million tears, felt my heart shatter into just as many pieces, and relived just as many memories too. I've thought about the things we didn't get to do and the things that will never be. I've had some crazy thoughts. I've also had the chance to realize that just as I didn't plan to deal with death that day, neither did I plan for what had happened just the week prior to that dreadful day. 

At this point in life, even while I'm still grieving, I claim those days as a gift from an all-seeing, all-knowing God who loves me immensely. 

You see in a split second decision on a lazy, Sunday afternoon, this gal who hates to travel and hates to be without her "better half" for any extended length of time (that calculates to anything longer than twenty-four hours), packed a tote and drove all night long to Louisiana - because her mother was sick in the hospital. 

I was able to spend time with my mother and she was released from the hospital a couple days after I got there. Praise the Lord! God had so much more in store for me though. I just didn't know it at the time. However, I can now clearly see the hand of God in my going. Oh, how He loves me!

My son got up at 4:30a.m. that Monday morning when I arrived. I'll never forget that moment when he took me in his strong arms and squeezed this Momma tight. I watched as he got up each morning and went to work to provide for his little family. I noticed how tired he was in the evenings when he came home tired and sweaty from a full day's work; yet he took time to play with his children when he came in anyhow. He had grown into a wonderful man. I watched him kiss his beautiful wife and maybe even roll his eyes at her playfully a time or two. He was so full of life and always had that smile on his face. I went to church with him on Wednesday and watched him worship the Lord with his church family. I heard him say, "I just want to spend some time with my Momma." Yes, my heart exploded in an hundred bubbly emoji hearts. On Thursday, I cooked his favorite kale soup which he requested for supper (it seemed to me he ate it with a grin on his face) and played Phase 10 with him and the family. I sat on the couch beside him and just enjoyed being his Momma. 

I hugged him, choking back the tears early Saturday morning before I left for home. I remember him saying, "No tears, Mom!" (I always cry when we leave each other. That's just what this Momma does!) and he squeezed me tightly once again. I never knew that would be my last hug. If only, I might never have let him go.

I share all that to show you a bit of God's faithfulness to me, His daughter. While I thought I was going to Louisiana for my mother, and I did; God had more in mind because He sees the future. You see, I left there and arrived back home in Georgia on Friday night. I was home only four days before the day he was taken from this life. 

What a gift from my Father to me. I didn't know it at the time, but God did. My sister kept repeating this phrase over and over again when we arrived in Louisiana again, for the second time in only one week: "God is not surprised by this." Indeed, God saw what was ahead and blessed this Momma with such a special gift...precious moments to hold onto until I hold Him again on the other side one glorious day.

So, I say with a broken-but-grateful heart, never take a single day or person for granted. Live each day to the fullest. Love hard. Forgive quickly. Say "I love you" as often as you can. Do the simple things like making soup and holding a hand. Make memories. Enjoy the little things. They really do turn out to be the super-big things! 

And most of all, never forget, though life may catch us off guard, "God is not surprised by this." Ever. 

"...the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; 

blessed be the name of the LORD." 

Job 1:21