Another piece of writing I did along the way. Probably sometime in June 2018.
I didn't even want to plant it; I only wanted the end result. Cucumbers.
So, my hubby came home and took on the planting job as I peered through the window. He even put it on the back porch so I could get to it with minimal effort. That's what it would take this year too. I knew that; so did he.
While I normally enjoy gardening, following the loss of our firstborn son in September, I couldn't find the interest in much of anything, which is why this plant wasn't even planted until the end of May - and only because my dear friend loves cucumbers and I wanted to be able to bless her with home-grown instead of the shriveled-up supermarket ones. God knows!
From that day, God provided the rain every day for over a week, so I only had to peer out of the window to check on the progress. Easy enough, even for me. God was doing the work. Faithfully, quietly, behind the scenes but ever so evident. It made my heart smile to see the growth begin and tiny sprawling tendrils begin to reach out for something to hang onto. I felt I could relate on a personal level now. I too felt like I was just grasping, arms flailing through the air on occasion, attempting to find something stable to hold onto. Faith. Hope.
Some days were "normal" and others were spent fighting dreadful waves of grief. I knew only one thing to reach for on those particularly difficult days. God! I'm so glad I knew that already. He's the answer. Always. He would supply.
It was at this point when I began cracking the door open and walking outside for close-up inspection. The vine was growing so quickly and needed help being directed onto a support system. I tenderly arranged them so they could easily grab hold to the support frame we put up. At that moment, I thought about how God does the same type of thing for me (and you). Indeed, He was my life source, but He had sent into my life voices to guide me toward Him, to bring me back around to focus, to help strengthen me, to simply provide the gentle touch I might need on any given "low" day. He was tenderly caring for me all the way. ("...though I walk through the valley...thou are with me...")
Then, one day I spotted a tiny, bright-yellow bloom tucked away in the luscious green tendrils of vine. I was excited. (That surprised me!) Remember, I was anxiously awaiting the end product - cucumbers to share with my friend. Those blooms meant we were getting closer. But, then they began falling off seemingly indifferent to my desire for their fruit to produce. These first flowers weren't intended to be fruitful.
I thought about my grief journey. How I longed for the "end product", whatever that looked like. Here and there God blessed me with bright, sun-filled, joyous days and I'd think to myself, "I'm getting there! FINALLY!!!" Only to watch those fresh-blossom-days fall away and I'd be left with moments of blinding tears and sorrow once again. Funny how when you're in the middle of those days, it doesn't seem nearly as joyous to be growing. But you are!
Today, when I went out to snap a picture, I was amazed at how much this plant had grown in only one week. It was sprawling all over the support frame, more and more tiny buds were peeking out today. Amazing. One day soon, there will be baby-sized cucumbers growing out of them. But for today, I'm just thinking how wonderful it is that God knows the rhyme and reason for every season we go through. For both the plant - and for my life too. (For you reading this too!)
It's been a thunderously, stormy week in my life: tears have fallen life pounding rain, dark clouds have hidden the sunshine. Still, God has been my source and has faithfully provided the strength and support system I've needed to keep growing through still more painful moments. Times like these make me so thankful God is always on the job.
I don't know how He does it and sometimes I wonder if I'll make it through the day, but I know He is faithful regardless of what each day may bring and always helps me through. Yesterday was my "Grand-Bam's" fourth birthday. The little boy so full of life, yet without a daddy's hand to hold, without his voice to guide and instruct. I laughed and cried simultaneously as I watched sweet videos my family sent for me to enjoy.
Life is filled with so many twists and turns, but I know God always has the final say. Today, the tears just involuntarily fall at any given moment, without any warning whatsoever. I bravely try to ride the waves and remain upright. Yes, when the rain comes down heavy, sometimes the leaves of the plant get dirty and weighted down with spattered pieces of earth. It's normal and inevitable...just like these grieving moments. One thing is for sure though, tomorrow will bring about another day, full of yet more uncertainty, but God will be there regardless. On that truth and promise I can depend!
Tomorrow marks 9 months since that life-changing day in September. At some moments I'm ready to face it, at others I'd honestly rather do anything but face it. I suppose that's normal too. I don't know what the days will bring about, but I know I won't be alone. I'll be safe and growing through whatever it brings because God is hovering close-by and knows what's best for me. I may drop another flower, just like the cucumber plant on my porch, but that's not the end.
In His time, He makes all things beautiful. His ways are not our ways. He sees the end product and has an expected end already planned with my name on it. I can only see the here-and-now and hope for the future. Maybe that's why He gives the desire for the final product, so we'll look forward to "one day" when all will be well. When we will forevermore be in His presence. What a day that will be!
Today, I'm just thankful for this growing plant out back and the way God is speaking to me through it. Thankful to be able to record some of it in words. Thankful for a friend who loves cucumbers by the five-gallon buckets.! And for a loving husband that new my desire to grow it, but understood my hesitation to get started. Thankful that God continually teaches me to trust in Him as I watch His creation's example. I'm hanging in there, through the stormy and sun-shiny days, in His capable hands...yes, through it all.
I didn't even want to plant it; I only wanted the end result. Cucumbers.
So, my hubby came home and took on the planting job as I peered through the window. He even put it on the back porch so I could get to it with minimal effort. That's what it would take this year too. I knew that; so did he.
While I normally enjoy gardening, following the loss of our firstborn son in September, I couldn't find the interest in much of anything, which is why this plant wasn't even planted until the end of May - and only because my dear friend loves cucumbers and I wanted to be able to bless her with home-grown instead of the shriveled-up supermarket ones. God knows!
From that day, God provided the rain every day for over a week, so I only had to peer out of the window to check on the progress. Easy enough, even for me. God was doing the work. Faithfully, quietly, behind the scenes but ever so evident. It made my heart smile to see the growth begin and tiny sprawling tendrils begin to reach out for something to hang onto. I felt I could relate on a personal level now. I too felt like I was just grasping, arms flailing through the air on occasion, attempting to find something stable to hold onto. Faith. Hope.
Some days were "normal" and others were spent fighting dreadful waves of grief. I knew only one thing to reach for on those particularly difficult days. God! I'm so glad I knew that already. He's the answer. Always. He would supply.
It was at this point when I began cracking the door open and walking outside for close-up inspection. The vine was growing so quickly and needed help being directed onto a support system. I tenderly arranged them so they could easily grab hold to the support frame we put up. At that moment, I thought about how God does the same type of thing for me (and you). Indeed, He was my life source, but He had sent into my life voices to guide me toward Him, to bring me back around to focus, to help strengthen me, to simply provide the gentle touch I might need on any given "low" day. He was tenderly caring for me all the way. ("...though I walk through the valley...thou are with me...")
Then, one day I spotted a tiny, bright-yellow bloom tucked away in the luscious green tendrils of vine. I was excited. (That surprised me!) Remember, I was anxiously awaiting the end product - cucumbers to share with my friend. Those blooms meant we were getting closer. But, then they began falling off seemingly indifferent to my desire for their fruit to produce. These first flowers weren't intended to be fruitful.
I thought about my grief journey. How I longed for the "end product", whatever that looked like. Here and there God blessed me with bright, sun-filled, joyous days and I'd think to myself, "I'm getting there! FINALLY!!!" Only to watch those fresh-blossom-days fall away and I'd be left with moments of blinding tears and sorrow once again. Funny how when you're in the middle of those days, it doesn't seem nearly as joyous to be growing. But you are!
Today, when I went out to snap a picture, I was amazed at how much this plant had grown in only one week. It was sprawling all over the support frame, more and more tiny buds were peeking out today. Amazing. One day soon, there will be baby-sized cucumbers growing out of them. But for today, I'm just thinking how wonderful it is that God knows the rhyme and reason for every season we go through. For both the plant - and for my life too. (For you reading this too!)
It's been a thunderously, stormy week in my life: tears have fallen life pounding rain, dark clouds have hidden the sunshine. Still, God has been my source and has faithfully provided the strength and support system I've needed to keep growing through still more painful moments. Times like these make me so thankful God is always on the job.
I don't know how He does it and sometimes I wonder if I'll make it through the day, but I know He is faithful regardless of what each day may bring and always helps me through. Yesterday was my "Grand-Bam's" fourth birthday. The little boy so full of life, yet without a daddy's hand to hold, without his voice to guide and instruct. I laughed and cried simultaneously as I watched sweet videos my family sent for me to enjoy.
Life is filled with so many twists and turns, but I know God always has the final say. Today, the tears just involuntarily fall at any given moment, without any warning whatsoever. I bravely try to ride the waves and remain upright. Yes, when the rain comes down heavy, sometimes the leaves of the plant get dirty and weighted down with spattered pieces of earth. It's normal and inevitable...just like these grieving moments. One thing is for sure though, tomorrow will bring about another day, full of yet more uncertainty, but God will be there regardless. On that truth and promise I can depend!
Tomorrow marks 9 months since that life-changing day in September. At some moments I'm ready to face it, at others I'd honestly rather do anything but face it. I suppose that's normal too. I don't know what the days will bring about, but I know I won't be alone. I'll be safe and growing through whatever it brings because God is hovering close-by and knows what's best for me. I may drop another flower, just like the cucumber plant on my porch, but that's not the end.
In His time, He makes all things beautiful. His ways are not our ways. He sees the end product and has an expected end already planned with my name on it. I can only see the here-and-now and hope for the future. Maybe that's why He gives the desire for the final product, so we'll look forward to "one day" when all will be well. When we will forevermore be in His presence. What a day that will be!
Today, I'm just thankful for this growing plant out back and the way God is speaking to me through it. Thankful to be able to record some of it in words. Thankful for a friend who loves cucumbers by the five-gallon buckets.! And for a loving husband that new my desire to grow it, but understood my hesitation to get started. Thankful that God continually teaches me to trust in Him as I watch His creation's example. I'm hanging in there, through the stormy and sun-shiny days, in His capable hands...yes, through it all.
As I type this out today for my blog,
I realize just how far along God
has brought me through. I'm not out of
this season yet, but God is bringing me through
and providing all I need in the process.
Thank you Lord, for your consistent presence.
My Hope & Strength.
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